Wallowing

The tears continue to fall as my feelings envelope that no one else understands.  How could they possibly?! I don't think my new family would even begin to comprehend  as they seem so content living in each others pockets and I've had a fuckin' gutful. My own blood family...well, we all have our problems don't we...?
I did realise a few weeks ago that my social network and my main Spiritual support (now across the other side of Australia) can span the vast wide open spaces...but today, well let's just say I've wallowed a little.  Maybe more than just a little.  Today the call came for a Psychiatrist assessment...I haven't had one for over 5 years  and I can't get in until February 2012, so what's another 3months hey?! lucky I'm not suicidal...!

Today

Seems like another day...I don't feel there's much point getting out of bed, and i don't really want to, except to have breakfast.  It's after lunch and I'm still un-showered in my pj's and haven't brushed my teeth for 2 days now...I think its 2 days, I can't remember brushing them yesterday i know I definitely brushed them Sunday! Maybe I'll brush them later...God I'm so disgusting

I've been lower than usual for over 5 months now.  Just when I feel a reprieve from the burden, the tears flow for an unknown reason.  It's not that I'll be contemplating anything in particular, they just come...
(sigh...)