Countryside bliss

When driving through our gorgeous and diverse landscape I particularly love seeing the animals. On this particular drive it was mainly cattle and sheep, but even in the simplicity I saw the pure beauty of calves and lambs feeding from their mothers and all the world's atrocities seemed to melt away...

Although growing up on a farm I am no stranger to the way animals feed, but when I'm a complete outsider looking in at them, I feel warmed by sharing their moment.

I love seeing the change in nature from town to town and state to state. 

I love driving through the trees as they arch high over the road and meet in the middle, it always reminds me of being apart of something special.  It makes driving through the bland boring areas worthwhile.

Good day today. Thank God for beautiful friends.

It's wonderfully overwhelming to be reminded of friend's love and acceptance of me-even without brushed teeth ;)  Today i attended all hygiene (thanks all those who expressed concern).
 Some days are much easier than others so much that I forget I'd even "have" depression (minus my meds in the morning) yeh, it felt like a long time before I was even compliant with taking them, but it's been years now and I rarely forget.  I don't believe simply taking medication and that's all that needs to be done as it's only a band aid. I believe these types of medication are of greater benefit when coupled with Counselling/Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which also included for me, self-help books and being Mentored by an A-mazing woman I used to attend church with.

I suppose what I long for is to be heard and understood.  At times i feel so misunderstood and judged for it.

Wallowing

The tears continue to fall as my feelings envelope that no one else understands.  How could they possibly?! I don't think my new family would even begin to comprehend  as they seem so content living in each others pockets and I've had a fuckin' gutful. My own blood family...well, we all have our problems don't we...?
I did realise a few weeks ago that my social network and my main Spiritual support (now across the other side of Australia) can span the vast wide open spaces...but today, well let's just say I've wallowed a little.  Maybe more than just a little.  Today the call came for a Psychiatrist assessment...I haven't had one for over 5 years  and I can't get in until February 2012, so what's another 3months hey?! lucky I'm not suicidal...!

Today

Seems like another day...I don't feel there's much point getting out of bed, and i don't really want to, except to have breakfast.  It's after lunch and I'm still un-showered in my pj's and haven't brushed my teeth for 2 days now...I think its 2 days, I can't remember brushing them yesterday i know I definitely brushed them Sunday! Maybe I'll brush them later...God I'm so disgusting

I've been lower than usual for over 5 months now.  Just when I feel a reprieve from the burden, the tears flow for an unknown reason.  It's not that I'll be contemplating anything in particular, they just come...
(sigh...)